The Blame Game

Whenever we don't want to admit we are wrong or own up to our mistakes, we will always look for someone else to point the finger of blame at. We adopted this "it wasn't me, it was them" attitude when we were children to escape being 'told off'.

This is what the first man and woman did in the Garden of Eden. When Eve was tempted by the serpent and ate the fruit, it didn’t stop there; she persuaded her husband to eat from the same tree. Now let’s look at what they said when God enquired about their behaviour.

How did Adam respond to God's question? - "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?"
Instead of answering "I realised I was naked. We both ate from the tree you told us not to eat from", he decided to blame someone else – His wife! His answer: "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate."

How did Eve respond to God's question? - "What is this you have done?" Instead of answering "It was all my fault, I should not have given any attention to the serpent", she said "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

Both Adam and Eve played 'The Blame Game'.

When you point the finger at others, you are in fact repeating Adam and Eve's biggest mistake. You are in fact revealing who you really are and not what others are actually like.

Do not blame others for your mistakes! Own up to them, admit to them and move on by not repeating those mistakes again.
This could be the reason why you are unhappy in your love life; still single or, maybe you are with someone, however, the constant bickering and finger-pointing does little to solve the real problem – Admitting YOU are at fault.
Do not focus on your partner's many mistakes s/he may have. Work on dealing with your own first. That way, you will help your partner overcome theirs instead being the major player in 'The Blame Game

'^"And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew 7:3-5

Has the fire fizzled out?

Everything was exciting in the beginning! Meeting for the first time; the butterflies in the stomach, your heart would beat excited at his voice over the phone.

You did things spontaneously too! The weekend getaway, the surprise dinners, romantic drives. You presented her with flowers.

You were so concerned about your appearance too. Hours spent in front of the mirror doing your hair, nails, make-up. Even longer trying to choose that killer outfit for the night ahead. You even cleaned places in your house you never touched in a long time – all this to make an impression on the one you hoped would one day be – The one!

It’s been years now. The children are in school, both of you are working all the shifts you can get.  No more butterflies. Now you can’t bear to hear him breathe ­­– let alone speak.

The weekend getaway? What’s that! Now you wish he would go away. Surprise dinners now are a takeaway one Saturday in a blue moon; Romantic drives - not anymore! Petrol prices are too high; Flowers! Why? – She’s got me for life.

Where’s the fire that once burned for each other.

Now you don’t take any pride in your appearance. Why do you think he had that affair? Because he kept coming home seeing you in a tracksuit, no make-up, hair tied-back and smelling of today’s dinner. You can’t even get rid of that muffin-top since your first child.

Are you going to wait until he decides to leave you and then make a change to your appearance, like so many women have done – When it’s too late!

Once their husband leaves them, they then say to themselves, “I’ll show him what he’s missing” and so they lose the weight, get their hair, nails and make-up done, buy the tightest jeans and high heels and act like they were 18 again. But it’s too late now. The damage has been done.

Here are my tips on how to avoid this ever happening to you:

1.      Put your partner first (After God, of course). Think of ways to please them and not yourself only. Sometimes this means allowing them to have their ‘me time’ eg. Football, reading a book. Respect their own space.

2.      Make time each day to spend with one another. Don’t let daily life come in the way of your relationship. Plan an evening alone. Make babysitting arrangements, if needed.

3.      Be spontaneous. Don’t always plan everything you are want to do. This makes it fun and exciting.

4.      Don’t be predictable. Your time together will always be new and exciting.

5.      Above all, ACT NOW before it’s too late.

Pastor Michael Boodram
love@uckg.org